Sebastian Michaelis: Vampire Hunter
by The Amazing Fetus
Summary: Ciel Phantomhive is a young man on the road to success, and Elizabeth Middleford is his beautiful girlfriend. She's also a vampire who wants to feast on his blood. Sebastian would do anything to protect Cielfrom her- and he means anything. But what happens when Ciel mistakes Sebastian's protection as jealousy and refuses to listen to his warnings about Lizzie?
1. i like your fanfic but i'm not gay

Ciel was in the library of his high school, writing the bibliography to his civics final project. He was seventeen years old and has a promising career ahead of him in business, he was still waiting on his college acceptance letters but he was going to be valedictorian. Not to mention that, his entire high school and middle school had been defined by his constant 'book nerd' status. He was never seen without a book or a pen in his hand, and all of the teachers did nothing but commend his brilliant dedication to his studies. Most of the time, like right now, he was writing fanfiction. Slash fanfiction to be more precise, and somewhere deep in his heart, he knew that if he had only been born in the victorian era, he would have been a detective by now. Instead, he did nothing but fantasize about what it would be like to be Ciel Phantomhive: brilliant detective! He could have worked under the queen solving difficult cases with a handsome man by his side. But recently the most popular girl in school, a cheerleader by the name of Elizabeth Middleford asked him out. He said yes, because she was pretty and sweet and kind to him. Plus, she had some bodacious ta-tas and that was enough for a seventeen year old book nerd whose father was a homosexual ex-pat from London.

"Hey there best friend." Alois said. "I heard some gossip." Alois pulled a up chair next to Ciel and sat on it backwards, trying to be casual but came off as just acting like a douchebag.

"What now?" Ciel groaned.

"You're dating Elizabitch!" Alois accused him.

"And?" Ciel asked.

"You. Are. Dating. E. Liz. A. Bitch. The bitch. The pretty blonde cheer leader. The girl who would never give you the time of day. All the sudden she wants to go out with you. The fuckin' nerdiest guy in the school who lives in a glass closet. Everyone knows you're gay, Ciel. Especially that bitch. I'm pretty sure you're going to end up like Carrie."

"Alois. I am the valedictorian, of course she'd ask me out, and she also asked me to prom."

"I hope you keep up the goth schtick and wear black so it won't stain, because she's going to pour a whole bucket of pig blood all over you."

"Alois. She's very sweet and kind."

"She's a _bitch!_"

"She told everyone you wore girls underwear in freshman year. It's time to get over your stupid vendetta." Ciel said. Besides, to Lizzie's benefit, Alois really was wearing lavender lace thongs from victoria's secret. How did Ciel know it was victoria's secret? He wish he didn't.

"Her brother beat me up."

"Yes, Edward was a prick, but Elizabeth is as sweet as a lady can be. And you do wear girls underwear. I can seriously see your thong, pull up your pants, it's so wrong."

"And you're as gay any guy can be." Alois told Ciel.

"I am not gay, Alois."

"Please, Ciel! You were just staring at my thong, and as if we don't all know you and Sebastian are going to get hitched and cascade into the sunset as Disney's first gay prince duo. Fate ships you two harder than you ship Johnlock."

"Alois. _Nobody _ships _anything_ more than I ship Johnlock." Ciel told him. His shipping was serious business. Nobody ships Johnlock like Ciel. Nobody writes fanfiction like Ciel. Nobody has strange homoerotic fantasies of victorian smoking rooms and murder mysteries like Ciel. Nobody does all of these things then goes off to date the most popular girl in school like Ciel.

"Which is why you're gay."

"Shipping slash pairings does not make me gay."

"Yes but I've read your fanfiction. No straight man could ever write so passionately about man and dude action. I'm pretty sure you've done it with a dude, but you won't tell me because you suck."

"I don't kiss and tell." Ciel told him, writing absent mindedly in his notebook while looking at his

'bibliography' for his 'civics class'. Which was neither a bibliography or even remotely related to civics, but he had gotten through years of schooling pretending that is was. He was Ciel Phantomhive, he was the smartest there was, nobody was going to guess the actual contents of the note book.

"You would if anyone except Sebastian would kiss you. Which he told me about."

"That was one time. One time. And it was platonic." Ciel qualified.

"Until you give up on Elizabitch and ride him like Watson rides Sherlock." Alois corrected Ciel.

"Shut the hell up!" Ciel whispered loudly at him, an action which defeated the point of whispering to Alois as they both skipped class together in the library.

"Make him smoke with the swirly pipe when you do it!" Alois laughed. Ciel pushed him away.

"Shut your whore mouth, Alois! And stop reading what I'm writing over my shoulder!"

"This is totally your civics project. Do you think Stanton ships it too? Or do you think he, like everyone else knows that Sherlock's true love is Irene and you are full of shit?" Alois asked.

"Don't fuck with me Trancy."

"Sherlock loves Irene. Tony loves Pepper and all of you homoerotic fantasies are bullshit fed on the queer baiting antics of directions and producers that do nothing but fuel negative stereotypes about actual gay couples." Alois told Ciel.

Ciel lifted his hand behind his head and punched Alois square in the side of the face, Alois toppled over in his chair and hit the floor with a loud thud. This was how Ciel and Alois were kicked out of the library and forced to sit outside in the gazebo to skip class instead. She even threatened to call Ciel's father, who would not care, because he was a raving lunatic. Alois however, almost quaked with the idea of another one of Hannah's insane lectures. So they conceded to leave while the middle woman sat the chairs upright while complaining loudly about the newer generation. Never mind that her own was responsible for the greatest cultural upheaval in centuries, no, the new generation of harmless yolo and swagger was truly a counter-cultural revolution on digusting, epic proportions.

"But seriously, Ciel, seriously? How much longer are you going to sit in that closet of yours?"

"I'm not in the closet, I, admittedly like both it's just that Elizabeth is special to me right now an theres is nothing that says that I can't like both men and women at the same time time while being faithful to a woman."

"Ciel."

"Honest to goodness, I love her tenderly." Ciel said. He did love Elizabeth. She liked to hold hands underneath the trees at the park while he read books. Ciel liked to watch her fencing meets and see her win all of the championships and trophies. Elizabeth liked to sit by the fire place and would put up with his father's less than normal antics. Ciel liked to get lost in Elizabeth's green eyes as they laid on the roof of his house, watching the stars float by.

"You sicken me." Alois said, as he noticed that smitten glaze in Ciel's eyes.

"Deal with it. Oh by the way, Lizzie and I are going to Coffee Traders after school and I promise you that if you go, you will see that she's become a very kind person."

"Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch." Alois murmured under his breath. He was totally texting Sebastian and inviting him to come along, too. Alois didn't even care that Sebastian hated him, he just wanted to stir the drama pot by having Ciel's honest-to-goodness destined soul mate meet some rabid soul-sucking bitch who only wanted Ciel for dubious reasons. It was the perfect afternoon entertainment. Who the hell needed to watch rerun of Maury when they could watch this?

* * *

I am totally on the fence about this story. On one hand, I'm sort of digging the idea behind it- lots of tension between Sebastian and Elizabeth with a totally clueless Ciel caught in the middle. An annoying rapscallion Alois causing trouble. Elizabeth being as dangerous as she is beautiful, and Sebastian's vengeful, posessive side coming out in the most obsessive way. Plus I added in VAMPIRES, which is always a big bonus. Lizzie the vampire, Sebastian a vampire hunter, and Ciel is has captured both of their interests. Lizzie wants a meal and Sebastian just loves Ciel. It's a good reversal of their roles in Ciel's life in canon, where Lizzie wants to protect and love Ciel while Sebastian wants to eat him.

But idk, is the idea too weird? Like, I tend to break the weirdness barrier like a sonic friggin' rainboom but even here I am a little torn. So if you like the concept, please review. I usually don't fish for reviews in this ridiculous obtrusive manner, but if I don't get any reviews at all, I'll assume this idea sucks and there will be no more of it. So if you like it, speak now or forever be contented with nothing!


	2. a new contender for ciel's heart

"Are you sure you can keep a hold of him?" Elizabeth asked Ciel as they sat holding hands at the coffee shop. It was a comfortable hipster place with antique stuffed chairs, sofas, mismatched tables and chairs, board games, and anachronistic looking outlet strips for people to place their computers. Lizzie and Ciel sat the couch together, waiting for Alois's fruity gay rumpus to file into the coffee shop. She opened the plastic top to her coffee, and took out an amber glass bottle from her purse, pouring a viscous, crimson liquid into her coffee. She capped the bottle quickly and put it back in her purse before stirring the coffee with a wooden stick and putting the plastic top back on it.

"What is that?" Ciel asked, curious.

"Cough medicine." Lizzie said, flashing Ciel the 'amoxicillin' pharmacy label on it quickly. Ciel accepted this excuse without hesitation.

As if he was summoned by some sort of homosexual slut magic, Alois showed up to plop himself on Ciel's lap in front of Lizzie, who glowered at Alois in response. Alois was acting like this to get a reaction out of Ciel and Lizzie, and instead, Ciel just rested his hand, which was now holding a very hot ceramic mug of earl grey tea on Alois's uncovered thigh. The mug rested there for a few seconds before Alois fidgeted as it burned his pale flesh. He hissed and stood up quickly as Ciel moved the mug so Alois wouldn't splash the tea on himself as well. It was a most unwelcome welcoming from a certain prematurely grey haired sadistic prick. Lizzie laughed at her boyfriend's obvious cruelty towards someone she wasn't friendly with. The past between Alois and Lizzie wasn't gone entirely, though this time she had refrained from making a comment about how she could see that he was still frequent buyer and wearer of womens' lingerie.

"What the hell, Ciel?!"

"What?" Ciel asked.

"You just burned me!"

"Oh sorry I didn't notice," Ciel said. Like hell he didn't. He just wanted to see Alois suffer.

"Like I believe that, cyclops." Alois complained.

"See? I don't seem so mean anymore now that Ciel has given you a first degree burn," Lizzie said and smiled at Alois. She hid under a layer of hot pink and glitter, but she was just as snarky and elitist as Ciel was. Alois didn't want to admit it, but they did match up with each other well. Lizzie was the perfect future sorority sister to unironically hold the hand of the geeky fanfiction writer.

"So Lizzie, have you read any of Ciel's xrated gay fanfiction?" Alois asked. Ciel choked on his tea as glared at Alois and Lizzie laughed to herself.

"Yep, and he likes it when I wear a smoking jacket and smoke from a pipe in the bedroom," Lizzie joked along with Alois. She really couldn't find it with in herself to actually care. Though yes, she really did read Ciel's work, and she enjoyed it despite the fact that Ciel's writing style was appropriative of victorian era flourid purple prose.

"Did you know he once kissed a dude?" Alois asked her again, trying to rile them both up. He looked down at the clock displaying on his cellphone, hoping that Sebastian would be here any minute now.

"I don't care," Lizzie said. Again, Lizzie still didn't give a fuck. Seriously, if Alois thought his ridiculous borderline homophobic banter was going to get her to leave Ciel than he was even further out of his mind than she thought he was. Besides, Ciel was irreplaceable, he was one of his kind, and was by far, worth his weight in gold and then some to Lizzie. He was perfect, and she wanted him for exactly who he was, even if he really did seem like a closeted homosexual on the outside. She knew that Ciel really loved her on the inside and not all the homosexual fanservice he wrote about John and Sherlock could keep her from loving him back.

"Alois, knock it off!" Ciel shouted at Alois. He was really angry even if Lizzie wasn't bothered by it, he knew Alois was trying to rain on what was supposed to be a good outing with friends. Ciel wanted to them to get along, and this was not how friends were supposed to act, facts notwithstanding that Alois never acted how anyone should act to begin with. He wondered how Alois managed to live as long as he did without someone hiring an assassin to make due with him in a drive by.

"Oh look, there he is." Alois said, pointing to Sebastian, who just walked through the door of the coffee shop. Alois unleashed shenanigans, it was super effective!

Sebastian was Ciel's very best friend and also his neighbor. When Ciel's parents divorced and Vincent moved to the stat, Ciel moved into a new country as a young boy where he did not understand the local slang, or anyone else, actually. Even as a teen, he still had the english accent, watched television from the uk, and to his teacher's dismay, used the queen's english spelling on everything. Sebastian, being a fellow expatriate from England understood exactly how he felt. In Sebastian, Ciel felt some of the comforts of home, and rarely were they ever seen apart from each other. Sebastian was closer to Ciel than his own brother, whom he thought was a prick. Ciel had no siblings of his own and aside from his father and his father's boyfriend, he had no family in the states anyways. Alois would like to say he was Ciel's other best friend, but in reality there was no room between Sebastian and Ciel for anyone else. They were more like adoptive brothers to each other than anything else, forever bonded together by means outside of their dna.

It could be said that Sebastian was an intimating guy. He was far past graduating from college, though nobody really knew what college he went to, not even Ciel. He had more or less looked the same now that he did when he and Ciel first met. He was taller most of the people that Ciel knew, and that alone tended to put people off. What put people off the most were his deep red eyes and lily white skin, and if his hair was not naturally black, some people would have even suggested that he was albino. He often wore black or dark red clothing which only enhanced his pale undead looking complexion. It was easy enough to see that Sebastian, like Ciel did not fall within the socially acceptable ranges of how a grown man should look. As another example, both Elizabeth and Alois were completely sure that Sebastian was either gifted by god himself, or he was wearing false eyelashes. Both of them were filled with envy over his looks, but Ciel never seemed to notice.

"Sebastian, what are you doing here?" Ciel asked, but Sebastian ignored him. Sebastian glowering at Elizabeth, as if nobody else was in the room. Still the other patrons of the coffee shop, including Alois but excluding Ciel could simply feel the anger and hatred coming from Sebastian like a black miasma that filled the room.

"What are _you_ doing here," Sebastian said lowly to Lizzie. It almost sounded as if he was growling it to her like some kind of feral animal.

"Hi, I'm Lizzie, I'm Ciel's girlfriend, and you must be his best friend." Lizzie said, holding out her hand for Sebastian to shake it. Her demeanor was friendly, and she pretended as if she did not know who Sebastian was, which only further angered the man standing before her. Sebastian looked down at her purse and noticed the glass bottle that was sticking out of it and gasped. Lizzie looked at him with this sort of deranged smirk that nobody else saw, though everyone could see how displeased Sebastian was at that very moment.

"I'm sorry, I just realized I had to be somewhere," he said with a wavering tone. He quickly turned from threatening to seemingly frightened of the pretty, harmless looking girl in front of him. Alois picked it up immediately as sadness, even though he was surely mistaken. Sebastian quickly turned around and ran out of the coffee shop. As Ciel saw him leave, he noticed that Sebastian had this heartbroken expression on his face. Ciel couldn't really imagine why Sebastian had acted so strangely.

* * *

I stole the cyclops joke from HateWeasel. It's not plagiarism, it's a homage.


End file.
